Riding on the metro in Washington DC there seems to be an unwritten rule that you don’t really talk to people unless you already know them. There are plenty of exceptions, but for the most part you sit or stand in sometimes very close proximity and you do your own thing. You listen to your headphones, you make your phone calls (which brings personal into public in a way people don’t seem to notice, but that is another blog perhaps), you read your newspaper, you take a nap, you do whatever you do, but no matter what, you isolate because that’s just what everyone does. It’s often the same in other cities too and plenty of other situations where we seem to maintain our childhood instruction not to talk to strangers. The thing is, there is generally no good reason for it and perhaps if we actually did talk to each other the world would be a friendlier and more connected place. People might feel less isolated and less alone. In the past week and a half I admit to at least partially maintaining the status quo (though in my defense, it’s hard to engage with people who have gotten really good at not looking at anyone), but on a few occasions I have broken that rule and ended up having some pretty deep conversations. One woman next to me was clearly having a very bad day and needed to talk to someone and all it took was a, “how was your day?” to open the door for her to release some burdens that were weighing on her. I heard stories about job struggles and car struggles, talked to a young person trying to decided what to do with their life, one who loved their life and as an added bonus, I even taught a woman how to pronounce Puyallup (if you don’t know just ask). I can isolate with the best of them, but I guess the point is that sometimes we have to take that risk and break the unwritten rules. You never know what kind of impact you might have or what gifts you might receive. You might make a friend, but even if you don’t you will have created a human connection in an often all too disconnected world and there is something to be said for that. Sometimes we need to question the rules and ultimately make our own.

You know you have great parents when you are in your thirties and they still keep your paper clippings up on their fridge (never mind that it is over a year old). Even if it’s something they have always done and you are used to it, it means something. Knowing you are loved and supported is a feeling every person should have and the more obvious those expressions the better. How often do we tell our friends and family that we are proud of them? We probably say, ” I love you” or we show that do in various ways, but the boost to self, even for a confident person, when someone they care about says, “I’m proud of you,” is pretty special. When kids are little, we put their art on the fridge and no matter what it looks like it’s the most beautiful thing ever and we let them know that. It’s not that we should be disingenuously offering praise all the time, but when we have the chance, we shouldn’t be afraid to let people know we care and we appreciate what they do. Most of us are pretty good at letting people know what we don’t appreciate, but it is somehow harder to let them know the things we do. We all could be better at it, but that starts with being intentional about how we respond and how we offer ourselves to those we care about. Those clippings on our parent’s fridge are a pretty great reminder and everyone (this is certainly not contingent on press clippings) deserves to feel appreciated.

ESPN the Magazine had an article about people who have some trait or have had something happen which gives them an advantage when running long distances. For one person they process oxygen more efficiently producing more red blood cells giving them significantly more stamina than the average person. Another woman had her toenails removed and it seems to really help. The one that struck me however was a woman who had a part of her brain removed to help eliminate seizures and as a result she now seems to have lost her ability to remember how far she has run, which manages to trick her system into greater stamina. The problem I see however is that as a runner I like knowing how far I have run and mentally knowing that I am capable of running or that I need to/want to run further can keep me going. I suppose for some people not remembering removes an obstacle, but for others it is the memory itself and perhaps even the overcoming of it, the moving beyond it, that really motivates. We all have things we might like to forget, but often in forgetting we fail to deal with them and then they come back to haunt us. I personally choose to remember and to face things because I think we have to, but that doesn’t mean I can’t understand the allure of forgetting.

Today I saw a slide show of a colleague’s recent trip to the Holy Land. The pictures were of mostly wild flowers growing where ever they could find purchase. The flowers were in stark contrast to the brown almost white desert that surrounded their bright greens, pinks and oranges in what seemed an almost defiant display against an often bleak landscape. It would be easy to see them as something apart from their landscape just passing through for a brief time, but if we do that to all our bright spots and the color in our lives, they become only fleeting memories when instead they need to remind us constantly of the beauty which lives there always even if at times we can’t see it. The poet and artist William Blake asked us “to see the world in a grain of sand, and heaven in a wild flower.” Perhaps even a glimpse is enough to show us something profound and to draw us in where we otherwise might have passed by.

NPR did a story this morning on Williams Syndrome. It is a genetic disorder that among other things causes a person to be completely trusting, even affectionate towards everyone. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we could all not only trust each other, but feel genuine affection for each other? If only we could even start from that place instead of starting from a place of fear where we feel all trust must be earned and where the natural tendency is instead distrust. Yet we live in this world, where people like the child talked about in this story get taken advantage of for being the way we all wish at least to some extent we could be. Perhaps what we need however is to understand our world and seek to rise above it, to live our lives so as to be worthy of that trust and affection that that little girl can’t help but give. She was made to live in a perfect world and we all should at least want to give it to her and to each other. We need trust.

I apologize for not writing here this past week, but I hope at least some of you have been reading my blog from the National Workshop on Christian Unity.

The center of every convention revolves around meeting after meeting in the many windowless, sunless caves that we have created and called “Hotel/Convention Center.” After a period of time you loose all sense of direction and time and staying focused can become difficult no matter how good or important the content. Even when you are in the midst of it you have to wonder how conducive these settings are to learning and decision-making. We set up schools this way too sometimes and we have to at least speculate about the loss of creativity that can be caused by this convenience driven use of space and its inherent vitamin D deprivation. Despite those obstacles, things do get done, which I suppose is a testament to intentionality of purpose. Sometimes we have to overcome even the limitations we put on ourselves in order for good things to happen and to move beyond the things, which may hold us back. Other times we seem to retreat into those caves, both metaphoric and real, avoiding the world until a time comes or until the convention ends and we are forced to reemerge back the way we came and into that world with the hope of transforming it. Just image what possibilities might exist if instead of retreating away from the world to meet, plan, strategize, worship etc., in buildings, hotels, churches, and the other caves we create, we gathered instead out in the world for all to see as participants in creation working transparently for that transformation we seek.

Sometimes when we get caught up in things, in being with people, in trying to get things done, in trying to maximize the time we have, and we miss opportunities. We alter our normal modus operandi, we rush and we go from thing to thing and it’s not that the time isn’t well spent or can’t be great, but we can forget how good simply slowing down and savoring each moment can be. We miss the beauty of the river, the lake, the trail that is just around the corner because we instead want to get to here or there, this place and that place so we don’t miss anything while somehow managing to miss so much in ways we might never realize. It’s not that we could have somehow used the time better or worse, it just is what it is. It’s this feeling that can take over and it’s really hard to overcome it, take a breath and just be. It’s not so much about grasping the moment, taking advantage of the moment (or not) it’s about allowing ourselves to savor each moment and not get caught up them. When we are with people we care about, but who we rarely see, it’s easy to want to spend every moment we can, but often this is coupled with a desire or perceived need to be constantly doing something as if simply walking together or talking together is not enough even though deep down you know those are often the most precious times. There is with wanting to spend every moment you can with those you love, in fact you should, but always remember that simple moments can be amazing and whatever you do, do it fully and let go of the urgency so that you can just be.

Diction says a lot about a person, but it is one thing to be able to speak in an educated manner and to understand words like colloquial (which actually just means conversation) while it is something perhaps much more important to understand the colloquialisms themselves. We should never limit our language and a truly educated vocabulary must understand both the language of the textbooks and the everyday language of the streets. When I was a kid I was once asked if I wanted to “squab” and it took me a while to come up with the fact that I was being asked to fight (squabble), but the point is that I have never forgotten my misunderstanding which could have led to something rather unpleasant. Some might say that’s more about slang than colloquial language, but the point is that in order to relate to everyone around you even slang perhaps especially slang needs to be understood. There is something very special about being able to adapt to any conversation, not to dumb yourself down or pretend you know what’s being talked about when it’s really over your head, but to really be able to converse with anyone in a way that relates to them. We need to relate to each other and language is a major part of that. My three year old uses phrases like, “actually mom, I am already quite calm,” but she also might burst out with a, “true dat, dad” at a similarly appropriate and perhaps a bit sassy moment. It all comes down to a choice between the limitations we place around us by refusing to even try to understand that which is foreign or “beneath” us, and the rich rewards that come when we decide to dive in to the colloquial.

Please and thank you can go a long way. Our manners make an impression (both good and bad) and what we do will be emulated by our children. I used to have to prompt my daughter to say thank you and remind her to say please, but just yesterday we went to the bank and she walked right up to the counter and said, “please may I have a sticker?” and when she was given one she said thank you. When we went to the post office she stayed right by my side and the people at the post office gave her stickers too for, “being so good” (and yes she said thank you). It helps that she is adorable too, but cute kids with bad manners seem less cute and manners definitely enhance one’s image. It’s awfully nice when things which you have been reinforcing finally click and start to happen all on their own. When we got home she even took her laundry up and put it away in the correct drawers (she is three and no this wasn’t a dream). It makes us wonder if a three year old can demonstrate manners like this why can’t everyone? When did we fail each other and stop reinforcing basic courtesies and common decencies? You pay more attention to yourself when you have kids (or at least you should), but even without that extra incentive you notice whether consciously or not when people are polite and something in you appreciates it. Maybe we all just need stickers to remind us, but good manners really can have rewards of their own. They can break down tensions, open doors (both literally and metaphorically), and simply create better atmospheres around us. A three year old saying please and thank you offers hope that those courtesies will not be forgotten, but we all have a responsibility to make them the norm and not the exception which deserves stickers.

There haven’t been as many deer around this year as in the past few, but perhaps they are just starting to come out as the spring arrives. No matter how you feel about them in terms of eating your plants, there is something graceful about deer which can not be denied. The ability to run away gracefully is something to be learned from. Sometimes they freeze and sometimes they run the wrong direction, but even those things they do with a natural dexterity that is so beautiful it reminds us of how things are suppose to work. To do everything with grace is something to be emulated. If only grace would come as naturally to us. It’s not about dexterity and coordination, it’s about acknowledging the grace within you that is yours and handling yourself in a grace filled way whether you are running away, standing up for yourself, or however you encounter others. Remember grace.